Thespian Conference...

So this weekend was intersting. We went down to Saint George to Thespian Conference at Dixie Collage. Like the bus ride was long, the plays sucked, and I was pretty sick for most of the time, but other than that it was a blast. Ok the second everyone was on the bus the bus driver was like, "no loud noises, no flashing lights, no getting out of your seat" ect. He said he would crash. It was like no end to what we couldn't do. So he was our Nazi bus driver (dang him). And so we like made fun of him by saying that we were going to crash anytime someone got out of their seat or flashed lights. We finally got down there and got to see Kristy. Later we went to some workshops, went to our hotel, ate dinner (of Count Chocula) and went to possibly the worst show I have ever been to in my life. We saw Smokey Joe's Cafe. It's not really a show as much as a musical review but the thing was not one person could sing in the entire cast (well maybe one or two. But still). And it hurt the most when they ruined Elvis (stupid Tucahan kids). Our ears were like bleeding from the inside it was so bad. After we went to our motel and not only was their a Nazi hotel lady but a Nazi Security Guard as well (what's with the Nazi's?). But we got Chili's chips and me and Mette started watching Constantine.

The next day we got up early went to more workshops, ate, and tried with all our might (mostly Brittany and Mette) to get out of the show that night. We didn't suceed and went to the second worse show ever. We kinda left and got to see the skate park and Fiest Fun with Mette, Sousa, Chris, Brittany, and me but made it back before the last little bit of the show. Later we like witnessed a very drunk man about 2 or 3 rooms down from us. Sorry to Brittany who actually had to see him naked... Then we spent a relaxing night in the guys room because me and Mette's room sucked like crap (or smelled like it). I tried to finish watching Constantine but fell asleep (I still want to watch it dang it). Oh and the guys made their usual trip to KFC. Oh and Mette came up with a new saying (well it was an accident because Sousa thought she said Bunk but she said Punk so now everyone is like using Bunk as much as possible). He he he. Bunk you....

The last day we went to see Macbeth. Or Hambeth. Or Macthello. Or Hambethello. I can't remember. He he he. Anyways. They sucked too. And it like ruined Macbeth for me. It was even a acting troop that traveled. You think they would be good but no. We then went to the rest of our workshops (although me, Chris, and Sousa kinda missed all of them). In between we went to lunch with these two wierd guys we met that were in the second play we saw. Then we then went to the Banquet. It was ok. But in the same building they were holding like a bridal expo and we went in not knowing what it was. We like finally realized what it was and I just wanted to leave. Asay and Chase totally hooked up with two girls who wanted free stuff. That was pretty funny. We then went to watch more mime and then got on the bus to go home. The sad thing was we didn't get to have an auction because of the Nazi bus driver. But me, Mette, and Sousa had our own fun in the back. And we fell asleep in the wierdest position but hey what can you do on a bus? I was so sad to leave. I didn't want to be home. I didn't want to be at school. And I didn't want to be at church. The only part of me that wanted to come home (keep in mind a very very small part)was to see the people we had to leave behind (well, pretty much Jenesse). I'm home now but I wish we could still be there... or at least somewhere that's not here.

Anyway it was pretty much a fun weekend. I probably forgot so much stuff that happend but like if I wrote it all down like it would be the longest blog ever. I had fun and I'll miss our freak awesome memories. Yes. It's true. But love you all. And bunk you all... JK... He he he... Love you...

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...

Things are finally looking up. We leave for Thespian Conference in two days!, I am finally getting away from church, school, and home, and I actually like my classes this semester. Yay for things getting better. I love you guys so much! And anytime you want a hug just let me know. I love hugs. Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Thespian Conference! Oh and my car isn't broken like I thought it was. So don't worry. Be happy. And also I got my phone to work! And just so you know if you can read this (Mette and/or Sousa) I'm very proud of you. Actually I should just end this because wow I am like rambling. But yes. Man I think someone gave me chocolate cereal. Oh I should get that before we leave so everyone will be easily entertained because when I eat that I do funny things like come up with sex butterflies. Yeah for sex butterflies. Wow I'm done. Love you guys again. And again. And again. And again. And again. (Just keep swimming, what do we do? we swim, swim). He he he. Ha ha ha. I got a pickle yay. Hay Hay.

I don't know what to do...

So last night I had one of the biggest break downs ever. I couldn't stop crying but I didn't want to stop. I didn't know what to do. I almost called several people but didn't want them to have to deal with what I was going through. But I finally relized what happend. What has been happening for the past 2 or 3 months. It hasn't been everyone else that I've been upset with. It was me I was mad at. Mad that I couldn't do everything. Mad that I haven't been able to help. I know you guys keep telling me to just take care of myself. And I realized that the only way that I can help myself is by helping you guys. I can't change myself. I've tried. The only thing that makes me happy anymore is knowing that I am actually doing something. Something to help others. But realizing that my family needs me too. I can't do both. I can't be here and see you guys all the time. And that kills me. I don't know what to do to help you guys. The only thing that I really think helps is by me being with you. But if I'm there how can I help at home?

And I also realized that the worst thing for someone to say to me is I'm dissapointed in you. When I hear that my heart breaks. I can't do anything. I've also been getting it a lot. I get it at school, church, and now at home. I can't just get away from people being upset with me. Most of the things don't even matter. But when they told me that I just lost it. You think you wouldn't get it from Church. That that would be your safe haven. But it's not for me. I even when you can't feel happy at church you think your home would be the best place. But even that got destroyed. I can't feel completely happy anywhere. I put on a face. I don't want you guys to have to deal with anything besides getting through your own things.

I just need two of me. That would pretty much solve everything. But I know I can't... I wish I could... Why now...? It's been the best and worst year of my life. I've made some of my closest, best friends ever. But I've also had the hardest year with so many fights and backstabbing. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried but I just can't do anything anymore.

Preference...

Ok so last night we went to preference. We had so much fun. We got panda, played video games and whip cream, and danced all night. In the morning we totally played with whip cream and got covered (Mette the worst of the girls and Sousa of the boys). Then we showered and later in the afternoon got ready... Stacie's friend like made my hair freaken hot. And then went to Mette's. Tasha totally felt left out of not being able to play video games so we played while we finished getting ready.

After we ate we left for the dance. WWCD??? I pretty much almost killed Sousa, Brittany, and Marcel but we survived. Then we like never stopped dancing for like 2 hours. We stayed later than planned because we were having so much fun. We totally got to skank too... Being in heels was not good but me and Mette survived and pretty much had the hottest shoes (no offence to anyone else).

Then at like 11:15 we left and my car decided to go get a slurpee. Their flavors were crappy so we went to Sonic. A car full of girls pulled up next to us and like started talking to us. We turned on Aqua and started jamming to it. One of the girls got out of the car and started dancing. Soon all the girls go out and so Marcel got out and they started like sexy dancing with him. They got his picture and then Sousa and me and Brittany got out too to join. We danced for a few minutes and then some older guys go out and started talking to the car full of hoes. We decided to leave and drove away quickly.

We got to Mette's house and watched Night at the Roxbury. What a funny movie. Then after everyone had left besides me, Mette, Sousa, and Brittany, (Whitney was sleeping on the couch) we sat talking and tickling Sousa until like 2. We made a quick run to Smith's but didn't buy anything at like 2:15 and then went to bed around 3. What a freaken awesome night.

Ahhh Hot Guys...

So I decided that I needed to blog about this freaken hot guy in the photo... ok so this was funny. Jenesse was talking to me and I had a picture of him as my disply picture. Her roomates came home and were like "your talking to him!?!?"

That made me so happy. When I heard that I was laughing so hard. Oh I wish I could talk to him. That would like make the rest of my life pure heaven... Ahhh Scottish men... I wish I could go there and never come back. That would be sooo nice...

Purple is the new Black... HAHAHA...

So hopefully none of you guys ever go gay (and same with the girls going lesbian) but I was talking to Jenesse about what if they did...(I'm not talking about Bench he already is) but that if would be extra funny if Sousa did. And she was like what if he went around saying "Purple is the new Black" and I added in a very gay voice... ok so it was soo funny when we finally got him to say it... Wow... ok I'm kidding but Sousa don't ever become gay (unless I still know you and you could entertain me) I'm kidding again but yeah. I hope this made you laugh because we need some laughs now... Love you guys!!! Don't ever forget it...

Friendship and Love...

"In the absence of love, there is nothing worth fighting for."
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."
"When I find myself fading, I close my eyes and realize my friends are my energy."
"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."
"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."
"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else."
"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."
"People never know how special someone is until they leave."
"Friends are the siblings God forgot to give us."
"There's no door love can't open, no wall love can't climb, not hurdle love can't...Hurdle"

I love you guys so much. I know I probably say this a lot but I don't want any of you guys to ever forget it. So I will say it again... I Love you. For the little things and the big things. I love you for the way you give me hugs when you know I really need them and for the times when I don't. I love you for listening to my problems and my funny stories. I love you for spending time with me. I love you for all that you have, do, and will do for me.

Look at Me...

Keri Noble
Look At Me

Look at me
Look into my eyes
Tell me, do you see that I am always by your side?
Or has the world got you down on your knees?
Come to me
Look at you
Look into your heart
Tell me is there room for you to make a brand new start?
Or has the world gotten to you and made you dark?
Come to me

'Cuz when you cry, all your tears I will wipe away
and when you laugh, who you think got you that way?
And when you dream, when you wake up, is it me you want to see?

Look at us
Look around the world
'cuz all you seem to find are unhappy boys—unhappy girls
and tell me is that what you want for you and me?
Don't you want to be happy?